From Iyanla Vanzant
These are 2 excerpts from my teacher, Iyanla Vanzant's book Until Today. I think the concepts they present are immensely important for all of us to absorb!!
June 25th
I am now willing to forgive myself ... for not being willing to acknowledge my own anger at myself. When people treat you badly, harshly or inappropriately and you accept it, there is an important question you must ask yourself; "Why am I still so angry with myself that I would subject myself to this kind of treatment?"
Many people live with a shroud of hidden internal anger. They are angry at themselves for things they have or have not done in the past. Intellectually, they can convince themselves that they are no longer angry. Yet, deep down inside, they cannot, will not forgive themselves or forget what happened. At, the same time, they are no longer willing to beat up on themselves. They find someone else to do the job. They allow themselves to be treated badly by others because they believe they deserve it. Often, unexpressed anger shows up as ill-treatment by others.
Unexpressed anger is like a red neon sign etched on the soul which reads: Beat me! Kick Me! Treat me bad because I've been bad! Silently, we broadcast this energy into the world, attracting those who are willing to comply with our unspoken, often unconscious wish. Because we are not aware of what we are broadcasting, we make excuses for ourselves and for those who are abusive. In all cases, accepting verbal, emotional or physical abuse is a cry for self-healing and self-forgiveness. This cannot happen until you are willing to recognize the abuse you accept as a symptom of anger you are directing toward yourself.
Until today, you may have been unable or unwilling to recognize that how you allow yourself to be treated is a reflection of how you believe you should be treated. Just for today, examine the people and situations in your life in which you feel abused. Ask yourself, "Why am I still so angry with myself that I would subject myself to this kind of treatment?"
Today I am devoted to forgiving myself for all the things I may have told myself are unforgivable!
July 25th
I will gain more understanding when I realize. How I interpret what comes at me is a reflection of what is in me. When something someone says or does upsets you, your upset is not about the other person. Feelings are triggered within you when an external source bumps into something that is already there. A self inquiry will help you figure out what you are hiding that is being triggered by what you are experiencing.
When you least expect it, truth will fly out of someone's mouth. That truth will burn a hole in your defenses, and chances are it is going to upset you. More than likely you will direct your upset toward the person who released the truth you were denying, ignoring or trying to excuse away. If, on the other hand, you turn inward, then you are opening the door to a wholesome self-inquiry that will ultimately lead you to something that needs to be healed.
A self-inquiry indicates your desire to take charge of rampant emotions so that you are not manipulated like a puppet by the things that go on around you. A self-inquiry begins the moment you experience the upset and ask the question, "What am I feeling?" Once you get the nature of the feeling, you must ask yourself, "Why am I feeling this?" The answer is likely to be, "Because so-and-so did such-and-such!" WRONG! Do not lay your feelings in someone else's lap. Take charge! Call forth your issues so that they can be healed. Doing anything less will leave you out of touch with you and at the mercy of everything and everyone.
Until today, you may have been tricked into believing that people can upset you. Just for today, be aware of what it is in you that triggers toxic emotions. If your trigger is pulled, run to the nearest quiet place and begin your healing process with a self-inquiry.
Today I am devoted to healing myself of the need to react to the actions of others!
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